Salvation Issues

Thursday, 16 August 2007


Salvation Issues

I am continuing my blogs on Issues of Life. This one I call "Salvation Issues". What I am about to share with you, I did not make up. I had to find the words to tell my story. Yes, I am for real. I thank my Lord my God that He is with me every single day of my life.

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Since I am on this count down to the 17th of September, my Conversion Day Anniversary, I thought to share my "Salvation Issues" with you. I first believed on Jesus on that Citizenship Day of 1993. This was day I had a fresh new beginning. Some things started to change in my life on that day.


Salvation has been an issue with me not to long after I got saved. This confusion started to attack my thinking about if I was really saved. I continued to go to Word of Life Church and grow in the things of God.


I joined church on the 17th of October 1993. I have been at WOLC ever since my very first visit during the Summer of 1993. The day that Jesus introduce Himself to me.


I could have join WOLC two days after I got saved. I had to pray about which church that I would join. I had three choices. I did not start going to church until the week I got saved. Being a part of a church and joining one was a big step for me.

I have been thinking... When did all this confusion start? I cannot recall. But I do recall on the day after Thanksgiving 1993. Things became weirder and weirder and the question of my salvation began to deepen.


Sunday, November 28, 1993 was my Water Baptism Day. I could not wait to be submerged into the water. I had thoughts that was trying to tell me that I was not saved. I wanted this water baptism so much, I had to wait unto it was announced in church.


On that morning of my water baptism, I was reading from the book of 1 Corinthians 14 from the New King James Version. I could not focus on what I was reading. I read and re read and had trouble reading the verses.


I kept reading anyway. Then it came time to read verse 9 b, I read it in a new way. For you [ I ] will be [ blessed ] speaking in the air. That caught my attention. If you have been around me, you would notice that I am not much of a talker.

Anyway I wanted to make sure that I was saved before I was water baptized. If I was not than the water baptism did not count. I just got wet for nothing. Water Baptized is a very important event in a Christian's life.

For those who are curious about my water baptism. It occurred at the YMCA. There were 25 of us. I was # 22. I was ready to go under, bury my old life and come into my new life. Pastor Nick D. had the honor to baptize me.

Through the months ahead more strange things happened. Things attacked my thinking about my salvation. By January 14 - 24, 1994, those were days to remember. As I look back at what happened, it was like I was losing my mind. But God intervened.

There were a lot of things that occurred during this time. But two major things that attack me were out right ridiculous. One late evening I had thoughts trying to tell me that I was Enoch, the one who never saw death because God took him. And another thing was that I was going to Israel to be a witness to the Antichrist.


I even knew at that time, that that was not so. I even laugh at the thoughts. That was so stupid to even cross my mind. But those thoughts entered my thinking. I was not on anything. [No drugs or no alcohol.]

I recall at that time, I was very sleepy. I was falling asleep as all these thoughts were coming more and more in to my thinking. I would fight the sleep but something came and cause me to sleep so to speak.

This all happened within 7 -10 days. By the end those days, I reflected back on what had happened to me. Psalm 23 came to my thinking. He makes me lay down in green pastures, He restores my soul.

Indeed He restored my soul. I could not fight off whatever was attacking my mind. I felt sleepy and could not stay a wake. I had not choice but to laid down.

After all this, I continue to go to church. In January of 1994, I recall during praise and worship, I thanked God for bringing me through this. I even started to raise my arms and hands higher while in praise and worship. Since then praising and worshiping God had taken on a whole new meaning.

Over this time spand, I told about three or four people that I felt like that I was not saved. I did not tell all what happened to me. But all the people who I told, believed that I was save. One led me to Romans 10: 9-10.

Also I recall that I was reading Ephesians 1:13. Where it speaks about salvation, guarantee and sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit. On that same day I was listening to a radio program and heard the same verse spoken again from Ephesians. That caught my attention.

But something else was trying to take me back and forth on this issue that brought confusion. I believe that I had my salvation. But still more unusual things continued. And my salvation issue was a question.

By mid March of 1994 this question grew deeper. It was leading up to April Revival of 1994 a week long church gatherings. This was the second weirdest week that I have had as a Christian. I didn't know how I made it through that week. But I believe that God was with me.

My heart was very heavy about my salvation. I did not know how much more I could take of this. At times I did not know what to do. I believe that it would be inappropriate to share with you what actually happened to me.

It's one of those cases to where it happened but I don't believe that it happened. But I believe that it did. Only God knows the truth of what happened. It was like one of those twilight zone episodes type moments.

I still had that heaviness on my heart. I could not make it to all the Revival gatherings. The question of my salvation was upon me. Finally, I spoke to God and told Him that I could not make it to church. I ask for His forgiveness.

Every time I went to church, weird things kept happening to me. April 24, 1994 was the first time I voluntary missed church. I got up at my normal Sunday morning hour. I had set my will not to go. And I stayed in my room that morning in quietness of the day.



What in the world would cause me to miss church? Weird things happened while I was setting during altar calls. There was something that appeared to be physically touching me. I would look but there was nothing there.

At times I would hear things that would draw my attention. The music would go up on down, especially during praise and worship. It was so very very weird.

Then the touching issues would happened in other places outside church. Still there would be nothing there to see that was doing the touching. At first I thought it was muscle spasm. I took note when they would happened. It was like I was being attacked from the unseen spiritual world.


One strange thing occurred one morning when I woke up about the 4 AM hour. I had a cold sweat. I felt something hit my hand that woke me up. There was nothing there.


By this time I had realized that I was needing to call someone. I needed tell them about what was going on with this issue. I was wrestling with what to do. The thought of calling someone and sharing this....

Who to call? And would that person believe me? It took me a while to call. But I did make the call. And that person who I called believed what I share with them and believed that I was saved too. I was not off my rocker.

What was I going to do with these attacks that were trying to convince me that I was not saved? I sought God for the answer. I don't recall what day it was but I believe that the Spirit of the LORD spoke to me and said that I will depress myself if I kept worrying about my salvation. So I settled it in my heart that I was saved. Still the weirdness continued on...

Another happening came... One morning, while I was sitting still in a chair praying. I stopped praying in the spirit. And all of sudden, I started to rock. I mean, I felt like I was in a boat or some thing rocking.

While I was sitting, I had a thought come to me. "You're back in the boat." And for some reason another thought came and said "You were never out of it." Speaking of my salvation.


I jumped out of my chair for joy when I received that revelation. I was never out of the boat of salvation. I believe that I was saved that whole time that I was going through the doubt and uneasiness of the weirdness in my life. I kept believing.

Through all this, still the issue of my salvation comes up from time to time. It has lesson over the years. This salvation issue lasted for about 3 or 4 years: 1993 -1996 or so. I cannot really recall. The weirdness had slacked down a lot after that time.


What is salvation? Pastor BZ has preached on the subject. I was all ears. But one thing that I believe we work out our salvation with fear and trembling. We are in a process of being saved. There are parts of our lives that need to be born again and again and again and again. Salvation is on going process in our lives.


What have I learned and experienced through this issue of my salvation? Indeed I have learn to come closer to Jesus. I believe whatever that I went through has built up my faith to where I am needing to go. As I look back over these episodes of my life, Jesus was the only comfort that kept me stabled.

There were some people who I spoke with me, believed that I was saved. But somehow through the things that were happening to me, brought doubt to my mind. I believed what was happening to me was not of God. I believed that He would not do that to me. If I was not saved, He would saved me. I believe that He has.

I hope that what I have opened up to you about has some how encourage you in whatever you have been going through. There are things in life that we are in and no matter how much others try to help us, there is something there that is blocking our production. God is always there to help us through.

But GOD! Yes, But GOD! He is there to see us through, if we just continue to call upon Him in the midst of the issues that we are going through. God is in the storm with us. Whether if a thunderstorm, tornado, typhoon or a tropical storm. NO matter the storm in life look, around for the Life Guard that is there with us.


May you work out your salvation with fear and trembling. No matter what's going on in your life, believe no matter what, God is with you and He will never leave you.

There was a phrase that came to me spirit on the 9th of February 1994 that tends to let be a part of me. I will leave you with this thought. As you journey in life,


"NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, KEEP YOUR FAITH IN JESUS."

(Counting down the days till my Conversion Day Anniversary....)